Trader Sam's - Originally Published 2011

I hate to be the person to do it, but I’m going to tell you the truth about one of your childhood memories.  Let me paint the picture.  Remember when your parents would take you and your siblings to Disneyland in the summer?  And do you remember when they let you go explore the park on your own?  Your dad would tell you something like, “Keep an eye on your sister.  We’ll meet you at Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride at 4:30. Your mother and I are going to take a ride on the Monorail.”

“Taking a ride on the Monorail” was actually a euphemism for “We’re going to go and get a drink”.  Thankfully, the visionaries at the Magic Kingdom have opened Trader Sam’s, a tiki bar that will allow a whole new generation of adults to take the ride.

You can sit outside of the bar and enjoy the afternoon, but remember this is a Disney-fueled tiki bar, but I recommend that you take a seat inside.  Aside from rum-heavy fruity drinks, the Imagineers have also dropped in some surprises.  Certain drinks trigger rain to fall, a volcano to erupt, or a ship-in-a-bottle to sink. 

In typical Disney fashion, they have pulled out all of the stops when building this place.  Just take a look at the men’s room.  Tiki wallpaper, tiki door handles, and tiki sconces.  They could have scrimped, but that just isn’t the Disney way.

So aside from the décor, how are the drinks?  Really fine.  Don’t let the fact that you’re in the Disneyland Hotel deceive you.  They pack a punch.  While we were there, we watched on guy seated at the bar proudly announce to his wife, “So I’m drunk!”

Shrunken Zombie Head – Lots of rum.  Not for the inexperienced.

Piranha Pool – Kind of like a Blue Hawaii.  It has a sweet that doesn’t let up.

Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Room – The Trader Sam’s pina colada.  This was my favorite of the bunch.  Rumor has it, if you don’t rattle off all of the tiki’s when you order, then no drink for you. 

How about the food?  It’s good bar food.  We tried the Pu Pu Platter, the lettuce cups, and the Ahi Poke.  All of it worked.

Beach Ball Comics Free Comic Book Day - Originally Published

I hate to be dystopian in my view of the future. However, let me tell you something, America.  As I travel around, I see these little hints of things to come.  Maybe they’re omens and maybe they’re not. 

God bless comic books.  And God bless guys like Stan Lee, William Gaines, Don Martin, Al Jaffee, Sergio Aragones, Jack Davis, Mort Drucker, and Antonio Prohias.  And while I’m commanding God to bless some people, let’s throw in all the people out there who produce and sell comics.

Why am I being so liberal with the blessings today?  If it weren’t for comics, I would be illiterate.  It’s true.  I chose to read Daredevil as opposed to Great Expectations.  I know I was supposed to read Madame Bovary.  But I couldn’t.  It was a stupid book about a spoiled French woman.  And I was already occupied.  I was pouring over a fold-in in the back of a Mad Magazine. 

While my birth as a reader was hardly on the mean streets, it was nontraditional to say the least.  And now I find myself in a disturbing place in America’s history.  Are you aware that in the 1950’s there was a movement to do away with comic books?  Why was that?  There was a supposed link between reading comic books and juvenile delinquents.  If Johnny read a copy of “The Vault of Horror” it would only be a matter of time before he became a switchblade-wheeling hot rodder.  The funny thing about all of this is that the juvenile delinquents in the 1950’s actually read.  Our delinquents are lucky if they can spell their neck tattoos correctly.

Yes, I’m back on the reading jag again.  People just don’t read anymore.  As further evidence, I present to you Free Comic Book Day.  For those that aren’t in the know, that’s the first Saturday in May.  Comic book publishers and stores give away thousands of free titles.  Why?  Altruism aside, it’s to get people back into the stores and reading again.

I decided to celebrate Free Comic Book Day at Beach Ball Comics in Anaheim.  As one can gauge from the photos, there was quite a turnout.  And why not?  This store seems to be well run and managed without the comic book store attitude that might have sent you packing in the past.

I assure you that comics are just as great as you may remember.  Not sure where to start?  Give “The Sandman” by Neil Gaiman a try.  If you’re looking for something on the bleak side, try some Alan Moore.  But more than anything, I recommend that you head to a place like Beach Ball.  Throw yourself on the mercy of the clerks.  Let them know that you haven’t read any titles since the seventh grade.  They would love to have you there and will gladly steer you in the right direction.  

Anaheim Marketplace - Originally Published 2011

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen.  Behold history in the making.  For the first time ever, a jumbo-sized photo here in the pages of Animated Meat! 

Why the extravagance now in these lean times?  It is for illustrative purposes.  Animated Meat, a highly regarded peer-edited scientific journal wishes to put before you a hypothesis and the evidence.  The hypothesis?  You can get anything you would ever want at the Anaheim Marketplace.

The evidence?  Read that sign, ladies and gentlemen.  Translated, it says “Free weddings on February 13th, both religious and civil”.  Think of that as irrefutable fact in the fossil record.  Something with the magnitude of the Piltdown Man’s remains.

Yes, you can get a wedding here, along with a whole lot of other things.  God only knows what this place was before it became the Anaheim Marketplace, but it’s huge.  So huge there is even a soccer field.  Really.  Drive around the back of the place and you’ll see it.

There’s plenty of food to be had here, everything from the grab and go variety to the sit and savor.  I opted for a chicken mole plate along with a Mexican Coca-Cola.  Incase you don’t know, the Mexican kind uses real sugar as opposed to corn syrup.  Purists will tell you it tastes better.

Are you into the really scary brand of Catholicism?  The kind with bleeding Jesus statues?  The Anaheim Marketplace has your back.  Shop today and light candles tonight.

The Marketplace states that it has over three hundred vendors.   I would agree with that claim. The spaces are set up in a grid format, like a well-planned city.  It’s a lot of acreage if you intend to see all of it.  If you didn’t wear your comfy shoes, that’s okay.  There’s probably a store in here that can sell you a pair.

Are you dying to dress like Los Tigres Del Norte?  The Marketplace has everything you need to get fully equipped.  This particular store also sells men’s fur coats.  I would have included a photo as evidence, but I caught a nasty glare.  If you really want to see it, send me an email at theadjuser@mac.com and I’ll pass it along.

Yes, that sign does say “cassettes”.  Animated Meat can’t confirm that claim, but they do have plenty of Banda CD’s.

These toys all looked like a lot of fun.  Lots of guns and soldiers.  I’m sure that everything here poses a choking risk or will potentially put your eye out.

Futball?  Si!

There are no less that three tattoo shops within the Marketplace.

D-Box - Originally Published 2010

In the 1950’s, the movie palaces of old faced a crisis.  A little invention called television gave folks an excuse to stay home for their entertainment instead of going to the picture show.  The solution?  Local movie theaters needed a gimmick to get people back out.  Movie studios flooded the marketplace with things like the Percepto, Smellovision, and of course, 3-D.

Fast forward a bit and everything old is new again.  With downloading, home theaters, and Blu-Ray, once again movie theaters face a crisis.  The obvious answer?  Trot out our old friend 3-D once again.  But keep an eye out, movie goers.  Cinema Fusion, our local theater has brought in a great gimmick called the D-Box Experience.

What is it?  It’s a 3-D movie with a moving seat.  The idea is to thrust the viewer into the experience.  We went and sampled the goods with a screening of Tron Legacy.  For an extra ten bucks, we were rocked and rolled through The Grid.

M and L Fabrics - Originally Published 2010

Animated Meat has harped on the point that in the future, no one will read.  I hate to have a dystopian view of days that have not arrived, but let’s be real about things.  While we’re being real about things, it’s also plain to see that in the future no one will know how to make anything.  Our children will just be a bunch of non-reading lumps that don’t know how to create.

The goal was to gather up enough material to make a couple stuffed animals.  Why?  Because as this website probably indicates, we don’t all go nuts the same way.

Right at the front of the store there is the discount section.  Any fabric here goes for a dollar a yard.  That goes a long way in stuffed animal world.

There are some naysayers who would argue that crafting and sewing are not manly pursuits.  To those that say ‘nay’, I submit for your evaluation these bold prints.  If sewing were not the stomping ground of manly men, then why would they produce fabric covered in manly men?  Still say ‘nay’?  I think not.

M & L Fabrics is huge and has the mixings for any budget.  They seem to have it all so if you plan on stitching in order to save the future, it’s the place to be.

Richie the Cat before and after.  Like a sentinel, he proudly stands as humanity’s last hope.