Manresa Castle - Originally Published 2009

This had to be one of the strangest dining experiences I have ever had.  Keep in mind, one time in La Boufadora; I had a live chicken on the table while I was eating a tamale.

First, we showed up to a near empty dining room and asked for a table.  The host asked us if we had reservations.  When we said “no”, he said, “Oh my, let me see where I can fit you in.”  Keep in mind, the place was almost empty when we showed up.

Later, we asked the waitress for our check.  She looked scared and said, “I can’t give you your check.”  She looked over her shoulder.  “He has to give it to you.”  Behind her was the host.  What’s the deal?  Is she serving out a period of indentured servitude?  When I put my card with the bill, she wouldn’t take it.  Again, with sorrowful eyes she told us, “He has to take it.”

For an overseer, the host was less than snappy.  Later, Mai found this sign for a dungeon.  I think that they were being serious.  That’s where they imprison their wait staff. 

Long story short, if you’re into humans pressed into service, then I have found the place for you.

Twilight Tour - Originally Published 2009

In case you haven’t been paying attention, the series Twilight has taken the country by storm.  Stephanie Miller’s saga of tortured vampires that don’t have fangs and twinkle in the sunlight has captured the imaginations of everyone with double X chromosomes. 

For us, the first stop on the tour was in the lovely seaside town, Port Angeles.  I have an issue with Stephanie Miller over her description of PA.  She calls it a tourist trap.  I take issue with this.  Aquarium Village in Oregon is a tourist trap.  None of the locals here seem to complain though.  The volume of folks stopping by to take pictures has benefited the local economy.

So many people are discovering PA because of a one-chapter mention in a book that the town now has a store devoted to all things Twilight.

Bella stopped here with some friends while shopping for a prom dress.  The store is closed now, but the locals have placed a few props in the window so tweens have something to take a picture of.

Bella stopped at Port Angeles Book and News in order to do some research on vampire legends of the local natives.

Bella Italia, the sight of Edward and Bella’s first date.  They have mushroom ravioli on the menu, just like the book.  How romantic.

Pay attention, single fellows.  It’ll do you some good to realize that the ladies love Edward.

Okay, a quick disclaimer before I continue.  Remember, going on a Twilight Tour doesn’t make you gay.  Having gay sex with gay men makes you gay.  Long live George Tekai and Bradley, two American heroes.  Now back to the tour.

Ms. Miller chose Forks as the setting for her novels because it has the most rainfall in the lower 48.  You see, her vampires sparkle in the sunlight.  They are able to hide in the rain.

There’s a burger stand on the way into Forks I recommend stopping at.  The food is good and you get a free set of vampire teeth when you eat there.  Check this out Edward, this is what a vampire looked like when I was a kid.

Actually, no, I don’t look like a vampire.  Apparently, the only way to be selected to be a vampire is to be outrageously handsome.  Sadly, I only have charm, wit, and brains.  The undead are shallow.  I think that my friend Joshua has the bone structure to swing being a vampire, but it might conflict with his belief in Christianity. 

The visitor information center is a place you must stop.  The ladies there play along and are experts on all things Twilight.

It’s pretty incredible the way that the whole town plays along.  This is a private residence, and yet the owner has a sign out front that it’s the home of the Swans.

This is where Bella worked.  Inside is a coffee shop.  I tried the Twilight Mocha.  It was a tad sweet for my taste buds.

Bella and Edward’s high school.  This is where he first saved her with his super human strength and speed.  Yes, I read half the book.

This is the hospital where Dr. Cullen works.  Apparently, he rides a motorcycle.

This is the house where those wonderful Cullens live and do whatever beautiful people do.  It actually doubles as a B & B. 

For years, Forks was a timber town.  Loggers made fortunes from the fact that it’s so close to the last rain forest in the United States.  Then they went to war with the Spotted Owl and lost.  God bless Stephanie Miller for breathing new life into the local economy.

Everybody plays along.  See?  Even the public works truck got into the vampire spirit.

La Push is a stunning piece of property that belongs to the native inhabitants of the Pacific Northwest.  In the book, this is where the Forks kids come to have fun at the beach.  The natives have a treaty with the vampires.

We ran into Jacob while we were there.  He let us take some pictures, but he wasn’t feeling any autographs.

Don Perry's Underground Tour of Port Angeles - Originally Published 2009

So I thought that I had a notion of what the word passion meant until I went on Don Perry’s Underground Tour of Port Angeles.  Port Angeles is a small town on the upper left hand corner of the map that actually has quite a sordid past.

The first part of the tour is pretty tame.  He does an introduction to the city and explains how the city elders used strip-mining equipment to build up the town.  These murals are part of an underground miniature golf course in the basement of a bike shop.  Somehow, Don convinced the owner of the store to allow him to cut a hole in her floor in order to gain access to the space.  Did I mention that the man is passionate?  It turns out he’s persuasive as well. 

After that, it’s off to one of the original buildings in Port Angeles’ downtown.  Currently, it houses Family Shoe Store.  This shop has belonged to the same family for eighty years.  Pretty remarkable when stores like Wal-Mart have laid Main Streets to waste countywide. 

Aside from being a really nice and complete shoe store, it houses some wonderful elements of Americana.  Above the Kiddie’s Korner is a mural of cartoon characters from a now defunct children’s shoe manufacturer.  The mural in the back is mechanical and still is able to move.

After he shows off all of Port Angeles’ nostalgic bits, Don takes the tour group to the top of the shoe store.  Why?  Because that’s where the eighteen room bordello is.  That’s right, once upon a time, Port Angeles had a fully functioning house of ill repute. 

It seems that Port Angeles was filled with loggers and Navy men.  Those fellows needed a somewhere to relax. The place on top of the shoe store was where a guy was charged two bucks to blow off steam as well as some other things.

Did I mention that Don is driven?  One of the things that he has been able to do is preserve a two-block section of the old underground.  Somehow, he managed to raise somewhere in the neighborhood of two million dollars to do it.  I was very impressed, Don.  You have done a stellar job of preserving an America that most of us have no idea ever existed.

He’s a fantastic storyteller.  If you ever happen to find yourself in Port Angeles, I highly recommend talking this tour.

Olympic Game Farm - Originally Published 2009

I suppose it just wouldn’t be a vacation for Mai and I if we didn’t stop and take a look at some animals.  If you ever find yourself in Sequim, I recommend stopping and taking a look at the Olympic Game Farm.

The Olympic Game Farm is a refuge for formerly professional animals that have been retired.  For a few dollars, you get a bag of bread and the opportunity to drive around and feed the animals.

Some of these critters were particularly aggressive.  They have learned that cars mean people and people mean slices of bread.

This old bear figured out how to wave.  We would wave at him.  He would wave at us.  We would throw him some bread.  He would wave at us again.  We would wave back at him and throw more bread.  This went on for about five minutes.

The Roosevelt elk and the buffalo were particularly imposing.  Before we drive though, we were warned that they had a tendency to bump into cars.

Jefferson County Fair -Originally Published 2009

The Jefferson County Fair is exactly that, a real county fair.  It’s small to the point that it feels so intimate it almost seems as though we were invading someone’s family reunion. 

The 4H is unbelievably active in Jefferson County.  There were several buildings dedicated to displaying the work of local kids. 

 There were plenty fine examples of little kid art.  I would like to one day put together a display in New York or Los Angeles to see what the art world would have to say about them. 

Somehow, Mai and I always manage to end up at places that have goats. 

 One of the highlights of the Jefferson County Fair is something called an Elephant Ear.  An Elephant Ear is a piece of rolled dough that is lovingly fried by a bunch of women with big bazooms.  Then, they cover it in sugar.  Not much to it, but it’s delicious. 

They had a Johnny Cash tribute performer that was actually pretty good.  We were lucky enough to have backstage seats.