Aquarium Village - Originally Published 2008

Whoever got the idea to open up Aquarium Village is a complete genius.  The entrance is maybe one hundred yards from The Oregon Coast Aquarium so it stands to catch uncounted numbers of overflow visitors, folks with pockets full of cash and looking to spend a few doubloons on t-shirts and coffee mugs.  In other words, it’s a complete tourist trap.

So what’s there?  A whole lot of shops that smell like mildew.  They seem to specialize in knives, antiques, candles, and pirate themed gear.  If you need any of the aforementioned items, this is the place for you.

Sergio's Leather and Belts - Originally Published 2011

You know what’s nice?  Not being destitute.  You know what’s nicer than that?  To have the resources necessary to put an artisan to work.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I hate to be a braggadocio, but three years of hard work and globetrotting have put me in such a position.  One fine Sunday found Animated Meat at the Orange County Market Place.  I happened upon Sergio’s Leather and Belts.  Sergio is a master leather craftsman.  After explaining the virtues of hard versus soft leather to me, I decided to put him to work.  What better place to embody the Animated Meat philosophy than in a belt and a wristband? 

America, what you are all witness to the first-ever commissioned work by Animated Meat.  It’s the best I can do to use my capital to support American industry.

Anaheim Marketplace - Originally Published 2011

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen.  Behold history in the making.  For the first time ever, a jumbo-sized photo here in the pages of Animated Meat! 

Why the extravagance now in these lean times?  It is for illustrative purposes.  Animated Meat, a highly regarded peer-edited scientific journal wishes to put before you a hypothesis and the evidence.  The hypothesis?  You can get anything you would ever want at the Anaheim Marketplace.

The evidence?  Read that sign, ladies and gentlemen.  Translated, it says “Free weddings on February 13th, both religious and civil”.  Think of that as irrefutable fact in the fossil record.  Something with the magnitude of the Piltdown Man’s remains.

Yes, you can get a wedding here, along with a whole lot of other things.  God only knows what this place was before it became the Anaheim Marketplace, but it’s huge.  So huge there is even a soccer field.  Really.  Drive around the back of the place and you’ll see it.

There’s plenty of food to be had here, everything from the grab and go variety to the sit and savor.  I opted for a chicken mole plate along with a Mexican Coca-Cola.  Incase you don’t know, the Mexican kind uses real sugar as opposed to corn syrup.  Purists will tell you it tastes better.

Are you into the really scary brand of Catholicism?  The kind with bleeding Jesus statues?  The Anaheim Marketplace has your back.  Shop today and light candles tonight.

The Marketplace states that it has over three hundred vendors.   I would agree with that claim. The spaces are set up in a grid format, like a well-planned city.  It’s a lot of acreage if you intend to see all of it.  If you didn’t wear your comfy shoes, that’s okay.  There’s probably a store in here that can sell you a pair.

Are you dying to dress like Los Tigres Del Norte?  The Marketplace has everything you need to get fully equipped.  This particular store also sells men’s fur coats.  I would have included a photo as evidence, but I caught a nasty glare.  If you really want to see it, send me an email at theadjuser@mac.com and I’ll pass it along.

Yes, that sign does say “cassettes”.  Animated Meat can’t confirm that claim, but they do have plenty of Banda CD’s.

These toys all looked like a lot of fun.  Lots of guns and soldiers.  I’m sure that everything here poses a choking risk or will potentially put your eye out.

Futball?  Si!

There are no less that three tattoo shops within the Marketplace.

Gold and Silver Pawn Shop - Originally Published 2010

Based on the fact that it’s the most popular show on cable television, chances at this point in time you have seen Pawn Stars on the History Channel.  Not only does that place actually exist, but it currently one of the hottest attractions in Vegas.

Here is what I’ve learned about the art of the deal by watching the show: 

1.  Rick will always call one of his friends before buying something.

2. The friend will give the price of the item at auction.

3.  Rick will always ask you what you want for the item in question.   He will never make an offer first.

4.   Rick’s in business to make money.  When you set your price, it’s a safe bet that you will get about half of what the appraiser said it would go for.

5.  Don’t haggle with the old man.  Once he sets his price, he will only come down.

Yes, it is a pawnshop.  But they have a lot more to look at than your standard imitation Stratocasters and circular saws that you may find at the neighborhood store.

City Center - Originally Published 2010

The City Center can be accused of showing up a little late to the party.  By the time the last bolt is turned, it’s supposed to cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $11 billion to construct.  Yes.  That’s billion.  With a ‘b’.

Whoever lined up the dollars for it was not a populist.  This is a facility that’s built for two kinds of folks.  Those that are rich, and those that want folks to think they’re rich.  Crystals, the retail heart of the city center is filled with couture stores.  What does that mean?  It means they have a restaurant shaped like a phallus, but don’t look for an Orange Julius. 

While it is off to a somewhat shaky start with the state of the economy, if it can hang in there it should be primed to be the place to be once everything stabilizes and folks start spending money again.