Medieval Times - Originally Published 2011

This is my nephew Tyler.  He just rolled up the big 1 on the odometer of life.  As far as I can tell, he’s pretty smart for his age.  He crawls and can pull himself into a standing position.  Lately, he’s taken to pointing at things.  And, he can clap his hands like a mother. 

The thing I like about Tyler is that he’s smart without being creepy about it.  I believe the term that some parents use is precocious.  But you know what I mean.  One time I went on a tour of Chichen Itza and there were one of those kids in our group.  At first, his command of Mayan culture and history was cute.  But then it got to a point where I found myself thinking, “Pump the breaks, Boy Wonder.”  I found myself firing off answers just to shut him down.  According to my wife, I was jealous.  Probably.

But back to Tyler.  The other night, we took him to Medieval Times in Buena Park.  It’s great time.  However, there is a certain amount of suspension of disbelief that must happen.  If Tyler would have acted like one of those precocious kids, he would have wrecked the experience for all of the adults in his group. 

For example, when he found out he was going here, he kept it to himself that the Medieval Period was a thousand year period in Europe that was ushered in by the fall of the Roman Empire and ended as the Renaissance was welcomed in.

And when the king welcomed us to his castle, Tyler kept it cool that it would have been impossible for the king to speak English in the 11th century.  After all, as any one year old knows, the Norman conquest of England didn’t even take place until 1066. 

At that time, folks in the British Isles still spoke something now known as Old English.  Old English is a German-inflected language that would be completely foreign to our ears.  Tyler might have also recommended an untranslated version of Beowulf if we didn’t believe him. 

He also kept it to himself that even at the time of the Canterbury Tales, Chaucer’s version of English would actually sound a bit more like French to the modern ear.  Clearly, we would all have to wait until the time of Shakespeare before we would get an English we would all be more comfortable with. 

Thankfully, he let it slide.  When the kings musicians played a fanfare on the their trumpets, he spared us one of those cute little lessons about how if truly were Middle Ages of Europe, the last thing we would ever hear would be a trumpet, at least not in its three-valve combination.  As any toddler knows, the valve trumpet didn’t show up until the eighteen hundreds.  Even Beethoven’s works featured natural trumpets.  

Yes, kids do say the darnedest things sometimes.  And all of the adults in Tyler’s immediate vicinity appreciate that sometimes it’s what they don’t say.

Rick's Atomic Cafe

Pretend for a moment that the Bible were rewritten for the twenty-first century.  While we’re pretending, pretend that I was in charge of writing the parables.  If I were writing parables, my theme song would be “2000 Man” by the Rolling Stones.

As I would sit and cobble away at parables, I would write one called “The Parable of Rick’s Atomic Café”.  It would be about a little, unassuming café in an office building in Costa Mesa.  Small and unflashly, though it may be, it would serve some of the finest bistro food in the land.  But it would only serve to those wise enough to look past exteriors and venture inside.

The proprietor would be a good and personable man.  He would personally come out from the kitchen to see if the mango chutney was too spicy.

But of course, the basis for my parable would be the real Rick’s Atomic Café.  Rick’s is a wonderful place where the food is as good as the location is unremarkable.  And yes, the owner did check to see if the chutney was too spicy.  See if they give you that kind of treatment at TGI Friday’s.

Tustin Brewing Company - Originally Published 2011

Pretend that you had a cool older brother.  Now, pretend that your cool older brother was a restaurant.  You know who he’d be?  He’d be the Tustin Brewing Company. 

You see, here’s the thing about cool older brothers.  Cool older brothers are all about the right now.  While the rest of the world gives you problems about crappy grades and your lack of direction, your cool older brother tells you now to worry about it.  He’s been there before you and he knows that it’s all going to work out.

It’s important to know about Geometry, but it’s also important to know that Mitch Cumstein was kicked out of college for night putting. 

Yup.  Older brothers are pretty cool.  In the time it takes to separate the stems and the seeds from a lid on a copy of Rumors, they’re sure to straighten out your perspective on the world.

Peters Gourmade Grill - Originally Published 2011

The other night I was in the parking lot of the Valero on McFadden.  I wasn’t there to get gasoline.  I was there to order dinner at Peter’s Gourmade Grill.

Suddenly, I had a sinking feeling.  Peter’s is bound for greatness.  It’s an undisputable fact.  He’s got so many factors going for him.  The food is great and the prices are reasonable.  According to the OC Weekly article that steered me here in the first place, he’s Courdon Bleu trained so he’s sure to hook the foodie crowd.  His little grill finds its home in a Valero gas station.

It’s only a matter of time before the Food Network finds out and sends Guy Fieri out to film an episode of Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives.  After that happens, there’s going to be a line that wraps the block.  And rightfully so, because this place deserves it.  So, while I am waiting for the world to fall in love with Peter’s Gourmade Grill, my plan is to eat here as many times as I can.

Peter, you have something special going over there and you deserve all the success that’s sure to come to you.

In no particular order, the Grilled Chipotle Chicken Sandwich, the Greek Fries, and the Ooey Gooey Fries. 

Zankou Chicken - Originally Published 2010

There are some who would say that butter makes food taste better.  Possibly.  Then, there is the camp that argues that anything battered and deep-fried wins the contest.  Again, it’s tough to argue with that.

But here is my assertion.  The finest flavors in life accompany foods prepared on a stick.  If you want to test this theory out for yourself, I suggest that you take a ride over to your neighborhood Zankou Chicken.  This is a place that has mastered taking meat and cooking it slowly over sticks.

What’s good?  All of it.  How do I know?  Haven’t you been paying attention?  Because it’s all cooked on a stick.  Kebobs, shwarma, chicken, tarna.  All of it has been gloriously skewered and roasted to perfection.