Epcot - Originally Published 2009

Animated Meat is all about expanding horizons and pushing outside of the mundane.  In my humble opinion, one of the best restoratives is to pack a bag and go wander around.

But let’s face it.  Traveling can be expensive.  And aside from that, foreign countries are always filled with foreigners that speak in foreign tongues.  I mean, they don’t even have the decency to learn English.

So, if you’re the slightest bit xenophobic maybe you should spare yourself the misery of travel to exotic ports of call and set your GPS for Epcot in Florida instead.

Epcot is almost like two parks in one.  The front half of the park is committed to the exploration of tomorrow.  The exhibits in and around the big silver ball all deal with future technologies.  Hopefully in the future we will get a handle on population because the day we went it was crowded beyond all imagination.

Because of the lack of any useable space, we headed straight back to the second part of the park, the World Showcase.  The first two lands were Mexico and Norway.  After a boat ride in Norway, we were treated to a five-minute film on the history of the country.  Really.

China was a hoot.  There weren’t any rides here.  It was more a place to stop and get a plate of authentic Orange Chicken.

I think that it was when we arrived in Italy that I realized that the World Showcase is basically a big shopping district.  Not every land has a ride but every one has a few stores devoted to the wares of the land your in.

Another thing that I realized is that every single land sells alcohol.  There are eleven total lands in the World Showcase.  It would be quite a game of bar golf to try and have a drink in each one.  Maybe Animated Meat will host a tournament here one day.

I feel the need to pause a bit before the tour continues.  I really don’t want to come off as one of those turds who hates everything Disney.  I really don’t hate Disney.  The company fascinates me.  Somehow, while everyone else in the world compromises their standards, they haven’t.  They continue to deliver a solid product and put customer service way up on their list.  If anything, they’re victims of their own success.  My primary turn off is that to go to a Disney park is to drown in crowds.

Morocco had to be the best of the lands.  It was humming with activity and served really good food. 

Another amazing thing about Disney is that they actually import their labor from each of the lands.  Japan has Japanese people, Morocco had Moroccans and Mexico had Mexicans.  They don’t just have some FSU student wear a fake mustache and a sombrero. 

Disney's Wild Kingdom - Originally Published 2009

The Disney World Resort in Orlando is actually a combination of several different parks.  There are four theme parks, two theme parks, and countless other attractions Disney has established in order to entertain the tourists. 

So what exactly is Disney’s Wild Kingdom?  Let’s think about in musical terms.  Name a song by OMD.  You probably mentioned “Secret” because that was a single.  Disney’s Wild Animal Kingdom is a deep album cut like “The Native Daughters of the Golden West”.  It’s every bit as good as the rest, but it’s not as visited.

With so much Disney choice, what brought us here?  If you’re an avid follower of Animated Meat, you know it’s near impossible for Mai and I to pass up an attraction that has animals.

If you decide to visit, expect something different from the typical Disney experience.  This is largely an opportunity to look at animals.  It’s really not too ride heavy.  If you’re looking to go on big roller coasters, go somewhere else.

One of the big attractions at the Wild Kingdom is a revision of the Matterhorn.  They decided to transpose it into the Himalayas and completely retool the ride.  Worth the wait if there is one.  There wasn’t the day we went.

Now considering that I am thirty-six and do not have children of my own, it would seem that I am not high on the typical Disney client list.  However, as far from the demographic as I am, I was not disappointed.  I think that Disney had done a remarkable job with this park and it deserves a visit.

Pea Soup Andersen's - Originally Published 2011

It was Nietzsche who wrote, “And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes into you.”  I’m not big on abysses.  Moreover, I’m not big on abysses staring into me.   I suppose that’s what Pea Soup Andersen’s became for me, a big black unknown.  I’ve passed it numerous times, but have never made the stop.

Recently, I decided to end the abyss’ power over me. On a dash up north, the wife and I decided to stop and shed some light into the deep, dark unknown.  Upon entering the quaint roadside stop, it would appear that my nemesis, the aforementioned abyss would again test out my will.

The challenge was thrown out to me.  For nine and a half dollars, how much pea soup could I eat?  The pea.  The Paul McCartney of the legume world.   Would I stay and play the game?  Or would I leave and let the abyss feed on my fear of the unknown?

Fear is normal, but to back down to it is unacceptable.  To do so would mean that I should turn in my Animated Meat card and go back to playing it safe.  “Waitress, bring me a bowl!”  And bring me a bowl she did.

The pea soup here is special, 100% vegetarian.  Don’t look for any pork in this soup, just spoonful after spoonful of pure pea delight.

And so I had my answer, a bowl and a half.  That’s how much pea soup I can eat.  I have looked into the eye of the beast and have not blinked.

Sailing San Francisco Bay - Originally Published 2010

What is it that causes men to run away to sea?  For myself, it was to help celebrate a friend’s thirtieth birthday.  There he is to the left.  Happy birthday, Mandeep.  Thanks for doing the heavy lifting and setting up this swell cruise across San Francisco Bay.

The night before we set sail across the San Francisco Bay, we were out to dinner with the Gervases; Mark, Samantha, and Bridgette.  In a very superior way, I quoted Jack London.  I said, “The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco”.  And then I said, “Jack London said that.”  That way everyone at the table would know I was one of those superior literary types that knows appropriate quotes for appropriate times.

“I always though Mark Twain said that,” remarked Samantha.

Holy cow.  Had I been going around the better part of my life attributing the only quote I know to the wrong person?  She had to be right.  First, she teaches History.  Not only teaches it, but actually has read the books they assign in school.  Second, Mark Twain has always been known for his humor.  Jack London? Not so much.  Serves me right for going all about town, quoting and acting superior.

Either way, San Francisco is cold.  And sailing across the bay is no different.  If you do decide to partake in a morning cruise on a sloop, make sure to dress warm.  Neptune is vengeful and will unleash cold upon those that doubt him.

Later on, while toiling away in my study, I looked up the quote in question to see if I could nail down the source.  Remember, I want to sound superior.  Superior people attribute their quotes to the correct sources.  This is one way we are able to separate the wheat from the chaff.

It turns out that the quote is attributed to Mark Twain.  However, he never actually said it.

So, gentle reader, I suggest that you go sailing across the San Francisco Bay.  It will expand your horizons and will make you more aware of the world.

A big thanks goes out to Mandeep who did all the heavy lifting on this excursion.  Despite the fact that he was the birthday boy, he charted this cruise so we could all help him celebrate.

Elephant Seal Beach - Originally Published 2010

The next time you hear some so-called conservative say that government oversight and regulation is a form of socialism, my advice is that you should tell that conservative to eat it.  There is very little conservation among the conservatives.  Those sons of bitches would use every resource up in the name of greed and profit.

Business unchecked will take every shortcut possible in order to increase profit.  Let’s take the Gulf oil spill for example.  You know why this one is setting all kinds of records?  Because BP sunk a drill a mile through ocean and two miles through the Earth just so we could all get a taste of our buddy oil.  And they never bothered to put in a relief well.  How did this happen?  Because our lawmakers have been asleep at the switch and more concerned with picking fights with sovereign nations than with real issues.  Drill, baby, drill.

As recently as March, BP tried to get Canada to soften its stance on relief wells.  The geniuses at BP stated that thanks to advances in technology, there is no need to relief wells.  Thankfully, Canada was not swayed.

Dead is dead and extinct is extinct.  The guide at the Elephant Seal Beach said that the last three years had seen an increase in the population of the Elephant Seals.  As long as the populous in our Democratic experiment remind the legislators who’s really in charge there may actually be some wildlife left for our children to see one day.