You know what folks? I’m really dumb. Really, really dumb. I’m going to fall on my sword here and quantify exactly how dumb I really am. $70. What’s $70? That’s how much I paid to get my wife and I into the Holy Land Experience. My wife knew I was being dumb, but she didn’t put the breaks on it. I guess there is an insane look I get in my eyes and she knows that there will be no talking me out of something.
So what is Holy Land? I hesitate to call it a theme park. We paid to walk around and look at a mish-mash of Sunday school projects produced by folks with a budget. By the way, this is a Trinity Broadcast Network production. Apparently, they believe in the divinity of the white, mechanical baby Jesus.
What was I doing here? I kept asking myself that question. As far as church and religion are concerned, I don’t feel like I need them. When I want to get close to god, I’ll hang out with my wife, or go to the mountains, or watch my Chihuahuas run around. There are a thousand better places that I can find where I get close to god than at church.
Now that I think about it, I think I came here in order to goof on people. I wanted to look at the deeply religious and laugh at them. Remember when I said I was dumb? This is how dumb I am. I paid $70 to some vampires to laugh at those who believe. I feel like a creep as I write out my confession.
First, I’m dumb because I gave $70 to TBN. I’m sure that my money is being used to hold up gay marriage in the courts or to buy some hairspray for Benny Hinn. Second, I’m dumb for wanting to laugh at people who believe. That’s not right. I should know better than that.
But mostly I’m dumb because Jesus was a really nice guy. We went to the Last Supper and sat on the Judas side of the table. John called me “brother” and there was no irony in his voice. It made me feel like a bug turd.
The Holy Land Experience is a big bummer. Don’t do it to yourself. Be glad that Animated Meat took this one for the team. Donate a pint of blood and give your $70 to a charity of your choice.
With all of that off my chest, here is some of the stuff we saw.
Jesus’ tomb was empty, for he is risen. However, Meat was comfortably relaxing on the other side.
Blond Jesus wants your children to throw a couple bucks in the toy machine.
here were dinosaurs on the ark according to the model in kiddieland.
My wife can walk on water.
TBN has produced a religious version of “It’s a Bug’s Life”. It’s for sale in the store.