Here are the dispatches from my recent mission: spend a $40 gift card at Bass Pro Shop in Rancho Cucamonga.
In case you have completely barricaded yourself inside your ivory tower, I need to make you aware that there is a superstore like no other. I give you Bass Pro Shop, a one-stop shop for all of your hunting and fishing needs. And I really mean all of them.
While one America spends its time attending the symphony and getting a taste for fine wine, there is another America. An America that buys deer urine and spends weekends bow hunting wild turkey. In my ignorance, I thought these were Wal-Mart people. Bass Pro Shop is evidence that they have money to burn.
“Huge” doesn’t even begin to describe this place. Bass Pro Shop is two stories full of everything you would need for your next hunting trip, as well as a boat shop, a furniture store, and an indoor archery range.
Remember when I told you that they have everything? There is an entire aisle devoted to your outdoor toileting needs.
This here is what our red state brothers may refer to as "a mess of woodland camouflage".
Plenty of dead animals and a few live ones.
Firearms for children of all ages. Yes. That's a pink rifle.
Bass Pro Shop is worth a look, even if the closest you ever plan to get to the outdoors is when you go on the Big Thunder Mountain ride at Disneyland. And remember; don’t judge those who spend their time stalking their prey. The meat you ate tonight didn’t exactly die of a heart attack.